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Do It Yourself Conflict Resolution for Couples by Florence Bienenfeld

Foreword 13 Introduction 15 Chapter 1 Resolving Disagreements Amicably 19 Setting the mood for conflict resolution 20 Instructions for five-step process 21 Five-Step Conflict Resolution Process 23 Janet and David resolve issues 25 Chapter 2 Clearing Away Resentments 31 The Face-to-Face Communication Process 32 Instructions for Face-to-Face Communication Process 33 Six couples each sharing one part of process 36 One couple experiencing entire process 40 Putting it in writing 55 When verbal communication is a barrier 55 Chapter 3 Expressing Anger Maturely 59 Evaluating Old Pattern for Expressing Anger 61 Donna is led through the process 62 Bill is led through the process 66 Instructions for Evaluating Old Patterns for Expressing Anger 69 Leading oneself through the process 71 Establishing New Patterns for Expressing Anger 73 Process for Screaming away anger 74 Instructions for screaming away anger 75 10 helpful strategies for handling anger 75 Chapter 4 Reducing Tension and Anxiety 79 Physical techniques for reducing stress 82 Meditation 86 Autogenics 87 Other physical modalities for reducing tension and anxiety 88 Reducing stress through change in attitudes and behavior 90 Tension-producing attitudes 90 Tension-producing behavior patterns 92 Process for Assessing Responsibility 93 Reducing stress through positive lifestyle changes 95 Categories of positive lifestyle changes 95 Juggling time and energy 96 When considering lifestyle changes 97 Reducing ingrained tension and anxiety 98 Process for Reducing Ingrained Tension and Anxiety 98 Two case studies 99 Preparatory steps before beginning this process 110 Instruction for the process 112 What you can expect afterward 114 Leading yourself through this process 115 10-Step Stress Release Process 119 Chapter 5 Past Effects Present 121 Chapter 6 Handling Specific Problems 129 Lack of love and affection 129 Lack of mutual social life 130 Lack of time together 131 Power struggles 131 Verbal abuse 132 Physical abuse 132 Inability to love deeply 133 Overdependency on parents 133 Dominating behavior 134 Alcoholism 135 Trying to change a partner 135 Unwillingness to share work 136 Wanting another chance 137 Suspiciousness and jealousy 137 Pressured to stay married 138 Feeling left out after birth of a baby 139 Prenuptial agreements 139 Financial problems 140 Possessiveness 141 Loneliness 141 Lack of commitment 142 Wanting to be single 142 Feeling like a victim 143 When romance is gone 144 Criticism 145 Step-children 146 In-laws 146 Crisis of losing parents 147 Separation 148 Divorce 148 Depression and suicidal tendencies 149 Disciplining the children 150 Homosexuality 151 Sexual impotence 152 "Open" marriage 152 Mental illness 153 When sexual appetites vary 154 Unfaithfulness 154 Chapter 7 Healing Troubled Relationships 157 Three Forgiveness Processes 157 Forgiving yourself 158 Forgiving others 158 Instructions for forgiving others 160 Seeking forgiveness from others 161 Instructions for seeking forgiveness from others 162 Couple seeking forgiveness 163 Reprogramming through positive affirmations 164 Empowering affirmations for men and women 166 Affirmation for women 166 Affirmation for men 166 Kinesthetic tracing of affirmations 167 Creating new beginnings 168 Shuli and Menacham 169 Florence and Mickey 177 Connie and Pete 183 John and Carol 192 Chapter 8 When You Can't Do It Yourself 201 How counseling can help 202 Finding help 206 Professional associations 207 Community resources 208 Chapter 9 Putting It All Into Perspective 209 Final guidelines and suggestions 211 Index 215

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